Letting Go
by starry night blue
Summary: ONESHOT - She was amazing. Literally amazing. In fact, I didn't think I could let go, but she deserves better.


**A/N: I don't own OHSHC.**

**Hello! Well, this was written for a request made by Hitsugaya-kun. She wanted a story based on Ne-Yo's "Go On Girl", and when I read the lyrics my plot bunnies starting jumping like crazy! I wrote this in about an hour. Hehe. I hope you like it, Histu-chan! Have fun reading!**

**Letting Go**

I was naive back then. I was filled with false promises and exuberant dreams and couldn't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. At that time I thought I'd found my soul mate, my life's partner, the love of my life...and I thought she'd found that same person in me, but I was wrong. When I think about it, I realize that we were both young and foolish then. We were driven by colorful visions and...well, alcohol. We were never really in love. We may have loved each other as good friends, but we were never what you may call passionate lovers.

I can clearly remember the first time I saw her. I had just broken up with my latest girlfriend and was downing my sorrows in a Martini, and she waltzes by me, her perfume filling my nostrils until I can smell nothing but that fruity punch amidst all the smoke fumes and liquor. I was magnetized by her. She sat down a few stools away from me, gently swinging left and right. She was wearing a tight pair of dark blue jeans and a plain white top which exposed a little bit of her midriff.

Her short brown hair looked like it had been swept back by the wind and...her eyes. Her eyes were the most beautiful things I've seen in quite a while. They were big and bright. They were two dreamy pools of chocolate brown which drowned you in them. I felt I could sit and just look into them the whole night, and I did eventually. I mustered up the courage and scooted closer to her.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Sure."

A classic line to a classic romance. I bought her a drink and we talked. Hi, my name is Hikaru, what's yours? Haruhi. That's a nice name...hey, did anyone tell you that you've got the loveliest eyes? I wasn't much of a smooth talker, but you'd be surprised if I told you how many girls I'd hooked up with before. My brother calls me a pimp, but he doesn't know; I really don't try that hard - girls just come up to me. In fact, Haruhi was the first girl that I've made the initiative to talk to.

It wasn't just one drink. We shared several drinks, and I vaguely remember drinking from the same glass at some point during that night. To make a long story short, we both woke up in the same bed the next morning. The sex was...amazing. Sometimes I even think that's what we were the whole time - sex buddies. There were days after that when the two of us would stay in bed for _hours. _We never got tired of exploring each other's bodies...every time was just as wonderful as the last. The nearby drugstore really benefitted from us, especially since we liked to be stocked up on the protection products.

The cupboard in the bathroom is still filled with them, but I imagine they're going to remain unused for quite a while.

I didn't know what a proper relationship was like, so I thought that Haruhi and I were really a proper couple. I didn't know that being a couple wasn't just about sex. Come to think of it, Haruhi and I never really talked all that much. We never talked about our dreams and fantasies. We never exchanged stuff about each other. Heck, I don't even know where she's from or what she'd studied during college. Sure, we lived together, but we were both in our own little world. We woke up in the morning, took turns at the shower...or if we were in the mood, we'd take it together...exchanged a quick kiss at the main gate of our apartment building before heading off to work. We only met late at night and even then we'd jump right in bed and...well, there wouldn't be much talking at all.

There's one little chat which I really liked, and which really stuck in my memory, was one we had when Haruhi had to stay in because she was ill and I took the day off to look after her. I made her some soup and took it to her bed. She propped herself up against her pillow and I fed her small spoonfuls. She looked so adorable then - her cheeks were pink and her eyes as bright as ever.

"Thank you, Hikaru," she had said softly.

"Don't mention it, sweetheart," I had replied. "We can't have you feeling so sick, now, can we?"

She smiled at me...a genuine, sweet smile. "Back at home, when I would fall ill, no one took care of me but me," she told me. "My dad was always at work so I had to look after myself."

"What about your mother?" I asked.

She gave me a strange look then. "My mum died when I was four years old," she whispered. I didn't know what to say, so I merely fed her another spoonful of soup. When she had swallowed, her cheeks had become pinker, as if from the effort she was putting to stop her tears from spilling. "When she died, my father had to take double shifts and even find two jobs so that he could cover the household expenses. I didn't see much of him, and I had to take care of everything. I studied on my own, I cooked my own food, and I cleaned the house..."

"You've had it rough." At that moment I realized why she had such a detached and emotionless persona; she'd had to rely on her own self her whole life, and never had the correct portion of love and care that all kids should receive. I suddenly felt rather sorry for her.

"Maybe," she murmured.

I put down the tray then and pulled her into a tight hug. I think I startled her at first, but slowly she melted against me, wrapped her arms around me and stayed there. Minutes later she'd fallen asleep and when I laid her back against her pillows, I found a damp spot on my shirt from where she'd been quietly crying.

Haruhi's a special person, and I know that I'm not good enough for her. There were times where I'd sit and wonder how I ended up with someone like her. I couldn't believe my luck, really. I was really falling for her.

And just when I started falling for her, she started edging away. I think she feared the commitment. I was calling her, "my darling", "my love"...and all sorts of different pet names, and she was gradually starting to miss my name out of her sentences. I was making her breakfast in bed, but she preferred to pick up a cup of coffee from Starbucks instead. I was planning romantic dinners in fancy restaurants, and she was going out with her "girlfriends"...took me a while to find out that her "girlfriends" were actually guys she met at the local pubs.

I didn't suspect a thing for quite some time. I think it was when she started skipping out on our daily sex rituals that I figured something was wrong. She would come home and climb into bed fully clothed with barely a "good night". Sometimes she even crashed on the couch. And even if we did have sex, it was brief...just a little playtime to satisfy my hungry needs. I was going out of my mind with my desire for her, and she was constantly brushing me off. I even came close to raping her once if she hadn't relented at the last moment and took me between her heavenly arms.

I started stalking her. To her credit, nothing happened the first few nights and she indeed was going out with her girlfriends. On the fifth night she rode in a car with him. A tall, aqua-eyed blond with stunningly good looks...capturing a long, passionate kiss out of my girlfriend's pink lips. I felt blank. I didn't follow her. I just remained frozen by the window, watching them kiss for a few moments before they finally pulled out onto the road.

When she came back that night she tried to make love to me, but I wasn't feeling it. I guess she was quite irritated by the fact that she wasn't getting any reaction from me, because she pushed me off the bed and out of the room, tossing a pillow out of me and yelling, "You'll sleep on the couch tonight!"

We had this routine for a few more nights, until I decided I couldn't fake obliviousness anymore. I took her hand and led her to the living room. I seated her down before sitting across from her. We get to this point now. I'm currently sitting across from her, taking in her pale arms that struck out against her black top, her heart-shaped face, her small pink mouth and her beautiful brown eyes for what could be my absolute last time. I manage a small smile.

"Haruhi, it's over," I say. There's really no better way to put it, and I'm not the type to dance around words.

She blinks once, twice...several times. "Excuse me?"

I lean forward, take her face between my hands and kiss her one final time. A long, lingering kiss which I hope will make her regret what she once had. When I let go of her she's still looking quite shocked. "I've seen you with that blond, my sweet," I tell her. She opened her mouth but I held up a hand to cut her off. "It's okay. He'll probably make you happier. I knew this was too good to be true. I knew I was kidding myself when I believed that the two of us will forever be together, so it's okay."

And it is. It is really okay. I can't feel a tear pricking my eye. I can't feel a lump rising in my throat. I can't feel my heart constricting. I feel okay.

"You're special. You deserve better than me. I don't mind that you went after someone else. I should've expected it," I continued. She, on the other hand, looked like she'd received a slap in the face. I smiled at her. "You can go on, babe. Trust me when I say that I'm feeling absolutely fine."

There wasn't much talking after that. I helped her gather her things. I even drove her over to her friend's place so she could make camp there. We exchanged a brief hug at the door, and she whispered an earnest apology in my ear before letting go. I took a discreet glance at the overhead window before getting in my car and I could've almost sworn I saw her disappearing behind the curtains.

I chuckled. _Just go on, Haruhi. _

-

**A/N: So, what did you think? This isn't what I usually write, but it seemed to work. I'd love to hear your comments on this. I was really pleased with it. smiles Thanks for reading!**

_- S. N. B. _


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